Healing Unmasked: How Coaches Manipulate Your Emotional Journey
It's time for a raw, honest look at what's really going on in the coaching and healing industries. I've been quiet for a long time, not because I didn't have opinions or feelings, but because, as a coach and healer myself, I didn't want to be seen as a hypocrite. But what I've been noticing just doesn't sit right with me, and it's time to pull back the curtain.
I see so many people desperate for help, buying programs and signing up for services out of fear. It's that "this is my last chance, my only hope" mentality. This isn't about genuinely connecting with a solution that feels right; it's about panic. My mission is to flip this script and show you what true healing and coaching can look and feel like when the person guiding you is a coach and healer first, not a content creator and entrepreneur.
And that, right there, is the core of the problem. Too many in this industry are prioritizing content and sales over genuine support!
Let me give you an example that's been a real catalyst for me speaking out. You've probably seen the reels (or heard the air quotes) using phrases like, "Three signs you're stuck in the first phase of your healing journey." And "by the way, there are three phases."
This is a flat-out lie!
I've been on a healing journey for nine years, and let me tell you, there are no distinct phases. It's not a checklist where you finish "Phase One" and smoothly transition to "Phase Two." Healing is messy. It's three steps forward, ten steps back, then maybe seven steps forward and six steps back. That's the reality.
You know you're making progress not because you're hitting imaginary milestones, but because you're less triggered, you're not spiraling as deeply, and when you do get triggered, you don't stay stuck there as long. That's real growth!
When someone tells you there are "phases," they're setting you up to believe they have the secret key to get you to the "next stage." It creates a false finish line, an immediate sense of dependence. As a coach, my goal is the exact opposite: to foster independence. I want my clients to realize they already have the answers and tools within themselves. The real magic happens when you can see your own patterns, triggers, and the meaning you make of things without needing someone else to tell you.
And here's the kicker: they'll "get you to the second phase," then sell you another program for the next. Even if they initially say there are three phases, when that "third phase" ends, they'll just create something new because they still want your money. It's not an honest approach; it's a tactic to hook you into endless consumption. They give you just enough to feel like you need more, keeping you scrolling and buying.
Then there's the buzzword game:
"You're intellectualizing your healing journey," they'll say, throwing around terms like "biochemistry," "epigenetics," "spiritual bypassing," "ego," "inner child work," and "somatic exercises." This isn't about truly educating you; it's designed to make you feel like they possess some secret, superior knowledge that they will generously pass on to you (at a certain price).
Let's be real: most coaches don't have degrees in psychology. They're often just repeating things they've heard or watched on another reel, then repackaging it as their own profound insights. They use these words to create a false sense of expertise, making you believe they're "up here" and you're "down there."
These buzzwords also create labels: "Oh, you're in the cocoon phase." "It's because of parentification." And then you cling to these labels, thinking, "I can't change because I'm in the cocoon phase" or "I'm parentified." But, even when said labels help us define certain patterns, healing isn't about sticking to labels; it's about understanding and shifting those patterns. My job is to help you break down what those patterns look like and empower you to change them.
The scary part? These words often lower your guard. You think, "They know these terms, they must be experts, I'll trust them!" and then, they shame you for the very things you've been doing to try and heal: "Oh, you've read all the self-help books? Done yoga, meditation, affirmations? You know where your trauma comes from, why you do what you do. You think you've forgiven yourself and others, think you accept yourself, but when triggered, you go back to your old ways."
Well, duh! We're human. If you're still getting triggered, it simply means you haven't done enough healing work yet. It doesn't mean you're doing it wrong or should be "farther along."
By using big words and shaming you, they keep you on an emotional roller coaster. You think, "They're right, I've been binging self-help and reels and getting nowhere. This person must have the tools to help me make real, lasting growth!"
But here's the ultimate hypocrisy:
They're telling you to stop consuming content while simultaneously asking you to consume theirs! They want you to watch their videos, one after another, and buy all their guides and programs, keeping you stuck in the very cycle they claim to be breaking you out of.
They'll also tell you you're "avoiding the work" by being busy, constantly adding to your to-do list. Yes, there can be some avoidance because, let's be honest, real healing work isn't always fun or sexy. It hurts. It brings up painful memories.
But we're also conditioned to be "human doings," to constantly be productive to feel worthy. We learned in childhood that we had to perform to be valued. So, sometimes, being busy isn't just avoidance; it's a survival mechanism. When life feels chaotic during a healing journey, being busy can provide a false sense of safety, comfort, and control.
We have so much coming at us: past traumas, memories, emotions, plus the demands of daily life—kids, partners, jobs, bills, pets, family. We're often just trying to breathe, to keep from drowning. You're not wrong for trying to stay busy; you're in survival mode. Our nervous systems are often maxed out. So, don't feel bad for being busy. It's a pattern, and it meets a need. Even just recognizing this is a huge win.
My Commitment: Coach and Healer First
I'm sharing all of this because I refuse to perpetuate the fake bullshit in the healing and coaching industry. You don't have to fall prey to these tactics. A genuine coach and healer will show up as a coach and healer first, not as a content creator or entrepreneur.
When I was on my own healing journey, I didn't have that support. I spent thousands of dollars with "content creators" and "entrepreneurs" who were coaches second, and I made zero progress. It was painful, I felt resentful, and I lost trust in everyone (including myself). It was incredibly lonely. I don't want anyone else to experience that. These tactics make the journey longer, harder, and more painful than it needs to be.
And understand this: many coaches using these tactics are doing so because they've been told to by the coaches they've hired. They see others getting thousands of views and claiming to have helped countless people, and in our desperation to feel better, we believe these false accolades. Can you see the cycle?
My tip: Moving forward, when you see content from a supposed coach or healer, and you notice these tactics, please pause. Check in with yourself. Does it align with you and what you're truly looking for? If it doesn't, keep scrolling. Don't feel pressured to settle for a solution just because it's the first one you encounter. Your healing journey is too important for anything less than genuine support.
If you read this blog all the way here, thank you, and congratulations, you just dropped the veil and will see the healing industry from a completely new perspective from now on. This is not about blaming the industry or the coaches in it. I sell programs too, and I do so because I know they work; this is about realignment, understanding, and learning to differentiate healers, coaches, therapists, and supporters, from performers.
I’m Kim Keane, certified coach and energy healer, and I’d love to help you transform your life, your relationships and ultimately build a path toward a loving, peaceful life. DM me or email me at kim@kimkeane.com if you want to get personalized support, download my Free Everyday Spirituality Handbook or get my EFT Tapping Booster Session to continue making progress on your healing journey. You’re doing great and it’s never too late!