The Trauma of "Taking Action": A Guide to Healing the Freeze Response
Have you ever been told to "just take action" to get unstuck? It sounds so simple, right? A therapist might throw around scientific terms, and it seems like the logical solution to a very real problem. But for many, this advice does more harm than good. It ignores the real reasons behind the freeze response and can trap you in a cycle of shame and short-term fixes.
Understanding the Freeze Response
The freeze response is your body's survival mechanism. When you feel overwhelmed or in danger, your nervous system can put you in a state of suspended animation, where you feel completely stuck. It’s a biological reaction to a perceived threat.
The advice to "just take action" is fundamentally flawed because it focuses on the "what" (the freeze) and not the "why" (the root cause of being stuck). It minimizes the fact that a dysregulated nervous system is not primed for action; it's wired for protection. When you're in a freeze, your ability to think and plan decreases, while your emotional responses skyrocket. Pushing yourself to act in this state only adds more stress and shame when you inevitably fail.
Regulation is the crucial first step. You can't bully yourself into action when your system is on high alert. First, you need to learn to manage your emotional state. Once your nervous system regulates, action becomes a natural result, not a forced solution.
Meeting Core Emotional Needs
The freeze response often keeps you stuck by meeting your core emotional needs in an unhealthy way. We all have four primary needs:
Certainty: Safety, comfort, and control.
Uncertainty: Variety and stimulus.
Significance: Feeling important and that you matter.
Love and Connection: Feeling connected to others.
Let's look at a real-life example. A viewer commented, "I lost my job three weeks ago. I've been in a freeze since." By avoiding their termination email, they're meeting these needs:
Certainty: Not opening the email gives them the illusion of control.
Uncertainty: The unpredictability of when they'll open it creates a sense of variety.
Significance: Posting a comment on social media gets hundreds of likes and replies, providing instant validation.
Love and Connection: Reading hundreds of similar comments makes them feel less alone and more connected.
All of these short-term benefits keep the person in the freeze. Taking action and facing reality would disrupt this delicate balance and force them to deal with a new, less comfortable emotional state.
The Pitfalls of Quick Fixes and Dependency
The advice to "just take action" also often leads to short-term solutions that create dependency. Chasing a "helper's high" by volunteering or donating items is no different than pouring a glass of wine or scrolling social media. You might feel good for a moment, but when the high wears off, the crash is harder, and the shame spiral worsens.
This approach traps you in a cycle of seeking external strategies or people to feel okay. It keeps you from addressing the root cause of your behavior. My therapist once told me to "act like the CEO of my life" to snap out of a two-and-a-half-year chronic freeze. The problem was, I saw myself as a failure, not a CEO. The advice didn't align with my core beliefs and only led to more shame when I couldn't sustain it.
Tools for True Healing and Self-Regulation
The biggest flaw in the "just take action" advice is that it ignores the trigger that caused the freeze in the first place. When we're triggered, we run patterns that meet our emotional needs and drive our behavior. For example, a person who loses their job might feel a sense of great uncertainty and lack of control. This triggers feelings of fear, shame, and a physical stress response (racing heart, shaking). The pattern that follows is the freeze response—avoiding the email to maintain a false sense of control.
True healing requires tools that go deeper to address the trigger and shift the pattern itself. Instead of blaming yourself for being stuck, recognize that your nervous system is simply doing its job. You're not lazy, and you're not doing anything wrong. You're just beginning to understand a deeper layer of yourself.
Final Thoughts: Compassion on the Healing Journey
Don't add another "should" to your to-do list. The advice to "just take action" is often harmful. Instead, be gentle with yourself. You're not behind; you're just beginning. The path to overcoming the freeze is not about pushing harder but about learning to regulate your nervous system and addressing the root causes of your emotional triggers. True change comes from within, not from external quick fixes.
I’m Kim Keane, certified coach and energy healer, and I’d love to help you transform your life, your relationships and ultimately build a path toward a loving, peaceful life. DM me or email me at kim@kimkeane.com if you want to get personalized support, download my Free Everyday Spirituality Handbook or get my EFT Tapping Booster Session to continue making progress on your healing journey. You’re doing great and it’s never too late!