Why “Just Show Up” Isn’t Enough: Understanding the Freeze Response
Have you ever heard the advice, “just show up”? It’s everywhere! Go live on Instagram, share your story, send those DMs. But for many, the thought of it brings a racing heart, sweaty palms, and a knot in your stomach. The desire is there—you want to make an impact and fulfill your purpose—but you can’t. You freeze. And I’m here to tell you that it’s not a procrastination problem, and it has nothing to do with a lack of strategy.
I’ve been stuck in this freeze response more times than I’d like to admit, and so have many of my clients. We are told we need a better camera, a perfect script, or the right template. But the freeze isn’t about any of that. It’s about a deeply held belief about visibility that keeps us stuck.
I learned this firsthand when a coach had me do an NLP exercise. She set up two chairs: one for where I was, and one for where I wanted to be. The task was simple: let go of the first chair and take the leap to the other. Logically, I knew what to do. But my body screamed, "Heck no!" My nervous system was telling me that letting go meant exposure, risk, and danger. The advice to "just take the leap" completely skipped over the trauma I had around being visible. For me, the freeze was a safety blanket.
The Real Reasons Behind the Freeze Response
The freeze response is our go-to because it meets our most fundamental emotional needs at a very high level. We all have four primary needs:
Certainty: The need for safety, comfort, and control.
Uncertainty: The need for variety and stimulation.
Significance: The need to feel important and that we matter.
Love and Connection: The need for connection with others.
When we are stuck in the freeze, we feel a false sense of control because we don’t have to show up, be vulnerable, or risk exposure. It provides a feeling of safety. The uncertainty of showing up—not knowing if people will criticize our appearance, our voice, or our message—is often too much for our nervous system to handle.
We also use the freeze to protect our need for significance and connection. If we show up and no one watches, or if we receive negative feedback, it can feel like we don’t matter and are not connecting with our audience. The freeze becomes a way to avoid this perceived rejection and to protect our fragile sense of self-worth.
We will do whatever it takes to get these four needs met, even if it means violating our own values and staying small.
The Role of Trauma and Nervous System Safety
Often, our struggle with these needs goes back to childhood. If you grew up in an environment where you didn’t feel safe or in control, you might now overvalue certainty.
If you felt unimportant or like you didn’t matter, you might overvalue significance. We attach meanings to these past experiences, known as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), and they shape our adult behavior.
Whether you overvalue certainty or significance, the result is the same: you live in a camp that is designed to protect you from perceived harm. Your nervous system believes that showing up online will lead to the same pain you experienced in your past. You don't need more pressure to "hustle harder" or "just show up." That only forces you to relive the trauma.
Practical Steps to Move Beyond the Freeze
The key to overcoming the freeze response is to get your nervous system on board so you feel safe enough to show up. This requires a trauma-informed approach, not more superficial hacks.
Acknowledge the Fear: Recognize that the freeze is a protective mechanism. Instead of judging yourself for it, thank your body for trying to keep you safe.
Identify Your Primary Needs: Ask yourself which of the four primary emotional needs (certainty, uncertainty, significance, or love/connection) is being overvalued when you freeze.
Work with Your Nervous System: Instead of pushing through, engage in activities that help your nervous system feel safe. This could be breathing exercises, meditation, or NLP techniques designed to reframe your beliefs.
Re-script Your Beliefs: Change your internal narrative from “I freeze because I am a procrastinator” to “I freeze because my nervous system believes I am in danger.” This simple re-scripting can be the first step toward a new, empowering belief.
Moving past the freeze isn't about ignoring your fears; it's about understanding them and giving yourself the tools to feel safe enough to act. True freedom comes from healing the core belief that being visible is dangerous.
I’m Kim Keane, certified coach and energy healer, and I’d love to help you transform your life, your relationships and ultimately build a path toward a loving, peaceful life. DM me or email me at kim@kimkeane.com if you want to get personalized support, download my Free Everyday Spirituality Handbook or get my EFT Tapping Booster Session to continue making progress on your healing journey. You’re doing great and it’s never too late!